What I Wanted to Be Growing Up, Chronologically

  1. 5-7: Jedi Knight
  2. 8-10: Paleontologist
  3. 11: Jedi Knight who also hunts fossils
  4. 12: Comedian. Sketch or stand-up only, no improv.
  5. 13-15: Boob fondler
  6. 16: Singer. I wanted to single-handedly bring back new wave. Was met with resounding "no thanks".
  7. 17-18: Writer for Rolling Stone. Preferably rock or film crit, but would also be willing to do drug-fueled road trip narrative "Fear and Loathing in Branson"
  8. 19-22: Good God, *anything* other than whatever I was doing. Too bad boob fondling requires so much college.
  9. 23-??: Boob touching achieved! No longer care about other pursuits.
  10. 75: Men's diaper fashionista
  11. 120: Killer cyborg