Requested by Seth

THINGS MY ISRAELI PARENTS DO NOT UNDERSTAND

I'm third generation Israeli, which is about as Israeli as a person can get. We moved to the states in 2000 from which point something resembling the chronic, low-level confusion of any immigration has been equal parts funny and frustrating. Requested by @sa who has met Ayelet & Alon in the flesh
  1. How/What
    "How does she look like" is a big one, used to drive me and my sister crazy but don't really notice anymore
  2. Beach/Sheets
    Always pronounced "bitch" and "shit" like "We're going to the bitch" or "Did you wash your shits". Really fun when you're 8 years old, less fun when you're a too-cool teenager with Midwestern, ambercrombie friends, really fun again when you're 20
  3. Any chain restaurant commercial
    Big offenders include Olive Garden and Red Lobster, like the ones where they zoom in on a steaming twirled forkful of shrimp scampi or enormous plastic-looking steaks. My mom looks away, like she's been offended
  4. A meal without salad
    Not a real meal without one. Bonus points if the meal is dinner and it's literally eggs, salad, and cottage cheese
  5. Candy that doesn't include chocolate (think kit kat vs sour patch kids)
    They're not wrong
  6. Red velvet cake
    But firm believers in cream cheese frosting, a la @bjnovak "Why does carrot cake have the best frosting? Because it needs the best frosting"
  7. Tampons with applicators
    Pretty specific to mom but I'm a Playtex Sport girl in an O.B. world
  8. Why kids in Disney shows are horrible as shit to their parents
    At one point I was limited to three Disney shows a day (believe me, I could have watched more) because Miley, Raven, and the Sprouse boys were so mean to their admittedly very stupid parents. Felt pretty shamed out of enjoying American pop culture but still took this selfie with @ColeSprouse when I met him at a bar in Williamsburg this summer, sorry
  9. Sports
    Encompasses a wide range from traffic outside Soldier Field to tailgating to telling me not to try in gym class, just to run on the side so I'd get the participation A
  10. Nationalism
    Thought it was hilarious when my sister and I had to recite the national anthem in public school, especially when both of us thought the "Please be seated" at the end was, like, part of it
  11. Guns
    Low hanging fruit blah blah but know this: these are two IDF veterans who grew up in a near-constant state of war and think the second amendment is trash
  12. The 2016 Election
    Another freebie but imagine moving across the world to a country with Donald Trump's lead in the polls
  13. America
    Pretty sure they think people only live on the east coast, Chicago, and San Francisco
  14. Israel
    The plan was to move back- it's where we were born, it's where they grew up, it's where our family is- but sometimes the places you love are racist and violent and vote for Netanyahu and you have to bear the burden of mediocre hummus for a life that is really truly wonderful and I am very grateful for
  15. Moral of silly list-shaped story
    Immigrant parents are 🔥 even if you always have to be the one to call for take out because the person in the restaurant will never understand "bhangan bharta" in an Israeli accent
  16. EDIT: Listapp
    They printed this out and sent it to their siblings