20 People in Every Office

  1. 1.
    The One With Diverticulitis
    How do you know they have diarrhea? Don't worry, they'll tell you.
  2. 2.
    The Excited Intern
    Literally nothing could make them admit to hating the whole experience.
  3. 3.
    What's Their Job Again?
    No one knows.
  4. 4.
    The Fast Walker
    Acts busy. Talks fast. Speeds around corners holding files. Gets nothing done.
  5. 5.
    The Proud Dad
    His cubicle is plastered with newspaper clippings of his daughter's soccer team victories.
  6. 6.
    The Almost-Retiree
    This person does not give a shit about anything.
  7. 7.
    The Ex-Frat Bro
    Charming, chatty, laughs loudly, hates his job.
  8. 8.
    The Nosy One
    Asks you what you're working on when they're not your manager. Wants to know the intimate details of your relationship with your spouse or partner.
  9. 9.
    The Sweet Old Lady
    Poor thing can't hear a damn thing.
  10. 10.
    The Hammer
    Tells it like it is even when it isn't. "Just saying."
  11. 11.
    The Well-Paid Pretender
    Gets paid a handsome salary for doing a job s/he is vastly under-qualified to do.
  12. 12.
    The Climber
    Kisses ass, boasts, hates everyone.
  13. 13.
    The Mouth
    Tells all of his or her secrets hoping you will do the same. Promises to keep secrets and tells everyone within the hour.
  14. 14.
    The Earnest One
    Genuinely kind, minds their own business, somewhat mystified by sarcasm and cynicism.
  15. 15.
    The Loud Vegetarian
    I can't eat that.
  16. 16.
    The Wise One
    Quiet, looks you in the eye, asks about your wellbeing and listens.
  17. 17.
    The Thinks S/he is Wise One
    Shuts people in his or her office and doles out unwanted advice.
  18. 18.
    The Stage 5 Clinger
    You have been kind to this person when they have been ignored by most other staff members, so they Velcro themselves to you.
  19. 19.
    The Badass
    Professional, thoughtful, creative, and hardworking, this person inspires you to do your best and keep moving forward.
  20. 20.
    The New Guy
    Brian, right? Brandon, sorry. Welcome. Let me know if you need anything.