A MATTRESS SALESMAN'S GUIDE TO FALLING ASLEEP AT WORK

Some of these won't be applicable... Because you don't sell beds for a living.
  1. I bet you guys lay around a lot when no one is around
  2. They frown on that.
  3. But sometimes you just gotta nap.
  4. Option A: FALL ASLEEP ON A BED
    Advantage: clear. Comfort! Adjustable beds. Massage! Heated (or cooled) layer! SNUG AS A BUG. Pitfall: clear. You didn't fall asleep on accident. If you're caught you're definitely written up or terminated. when should you: low traffic times. Before store opens. Inventory day. Christmas Eve.
  5. Option B: FALL ASLEEP IN A CHAIR
    Advantage: it appears accidental. Plus the chair is pretty cozy. Pitfall: no neck support. You're definitely going to snore. Also the chair is visible from the door. You're getting caught. When should you: 2:30pm daily
  6. Option C: FALL ASLEEP "ON THE THRONE."
    Advantage: you're hidden. No one is going to catch you napping on the toilet. Pitfall: literally falling. Off the toilet. Also everyone thinks you're shooting up. When should you: I'm gonna go with never. Maybe on your last day before you quit.
  7. Option D: FALL ASLEEP ON THE FLOOR
    Advantage: clearly accidental. They likely are concerned about your health. You'll likely get told to lie in a bed for a few mins to feel better. Pitfall: if you're a deep sleeper you may wake up to an EMT. Also it's the floor. When should you: extreme tiredness. Like you wouldn't be upset to wake up in the hospital and get a "sick-cation"
  8. Option E: FALL ASLEEP AT HOME (GO HOME SICK)
    What? You get sick days? What must that be like?