MY SHITTY NEIGHBORHOOD

West Price Hill, Cincinnati, Ohio.
  1. So of course I know I should lock my car.
  2. I used to own a car where the doors wouldn't lock.
  3. So I got used to leaving nothing of value in my car.
  4. Every once in a while I'd walk out to my car and see that my door was open
    (seriously, car thieves, if you're reading this, learn to close a fucking door.)
  5. And I'd look to see what was taken
  6. List within a list:
    Things that have been stolen from my car over the years: change, half a pack of gum, an apple, a book of wedding vows (I'm a minister) and my mother's cremated remains. (Later returned).
  7. Now my new car has locking doors (yay)
  8. But the key fob unlock/lock buttons are on the opposite side than I'm used to
    What the fuck, ford?
  9. Sometimes I'm carrying groceries and I forget to lock my door.
    Ugh
  10. So once a month or so I'll walk out and realize something is amiss.
  11. But I still keep nothing in my car.
  12. Except my work name tags and less than $1 in change.
  13. I hope that $0.77 comes in handy, thief.
  14. I don't know- think this will work? lol