THINGS MY 11 YEAR OLD SON IS BETTER AT THAN ME

And i have no shot at catching uo
  1. He's musical.
    I really could make this a two parter. He plays violin and piano better than most high school music students. He's crazy good. His Russian music-Doctor teacher asked me if he was taking private lessons, because "he can actually do the things I ask him to do. That's rare."
  2. Video games
    Not even close. Not only do I not really have the temperament for games, he excels. And always has. And you're thinking "eh, I could take him." You probably can't. He plays guitar hero in performance mode without the "notes" on the screen. It's messed up.
  3. Stubbornness.
    You're not selling him on shit. He won't be swayed. He fucking knows what he likes and you're not convincing him otherwise. Meanwhile I see a new product on the market and I start babbling about cheese flavored swiffer pads.
  4. Commitment to a style
    He's 11 and he hasn't cut his hair in over a year. And he hates getting it brushed. But this is what he wants to look like. If something is even slightly inconvenient to me I'm all FUCK IT.
  5. Resisting the urge to eat everything
    Ok ok. I get it. I'm not slim.
  6. He's hilarious.
    Always has been. I'm kinda like a prop comic. I'm funny on occasion because I'm ready for certain situations. He just says things that make me freaking laugh for days.
  7. He's laid back
    Pants are too short? Eh. Shoes have holes? Meh. Dude. You gotta tell me these things. I'm not observant enough to know you look homeless. (Situation has been remedied, relax.)
  8. He's so excited about normal things
    Sunday is pancake day, baby. And he'll be up and ready to eat.
  9. He's brilliant
    Am I bragging? A bit. He's so gifted with numbers I was worried he was autistic or part robot. Is that insensitive? Nah. Robots don't have feelings.
  10. But
    He's still short ,so last night we played basketball and I stuffed that ball right back in his fucking face. Keep trying kid. I'm the alpha. Heh