STAND UP COMEDIANS I LOVE

I listen to comedy every night in order to fall asleep. I have a lot of opinions.
  1. John Mulaney
    "In terms of instant relief, cancelling plans is like heroin."
  2. Aziz Ansari
    "[on marriage] Put this ring on your finger so people know we have an arrangement."
  3. Mike Birbiglia
    "I love pizza so much. I would marry pizza, but it would but be an elaborate plot to eat her whole family at the reception."
  4. Brian Regan
    "If you're having second thoughts about the trip you booked to see Native American tribal lands...is that a reservation reservation reservation?"
  5. Mitch Hedberg
    "Fettuccine Alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults."
  6. Steven Wright
    "I bought a decaffeinated coffee table."