A LIST OF PEOPLE THAT WOULD MAKE BETTER U.S. PRESIDENTS THAN OUR REAL-LIFE OPTIONS

"We're Screwed 2016"
  1. Taylor Swift
  2. Vin Scully
  3. my neighbor who looks like Vladimir Putin and walks his cat on a leash
  4. any of my students, even the girl who doesn't speak English and has been absent 38 times
  5. Darth Vader
  6. the Taco Bell chihuahua (and he's dead)
  7. a wet mop propped upside down and given a ventriloquist voice by Peewee Herman
  8. a children's book about presidents
  9. a potato