At me, my friends, or strangers
  1. The Accademia Museum in Florence
    My best friend was trying to secretly take a picture of Michelangelo's David's penis
  2. The Getty Museum in Los Angeles
    I was trying to study an intricate painting very closely like Cameron in "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" but a guard told me I was standing too close 🤷🏻‍♀️
  3. The gas station
    A homeless lady was screaming at people getting gas, so the security guard came and told her to leave the premises, so she called him the n-word and then ran away
  4. The Arboretum in Arcadia
    My friend's 2-year-old was throwing rocks into the fountains and bushes and fields and a guard in a golf cart kept following us around to tell her "your son can't throw rocks. Your son can't throw rocks." I don't know man, looks like he CAN. You just don't want him to.
  5. A Brandi Carlile concert
    I had a water bottle. I guess that's super illegal in case it's a bomb or vodka or something. I get thirsty at concerts, so sue me
  6. My high school
    The one I attended, not the one where I teach. A girl was using her vibrator under a lunch table 🙈 Her defense was "it's my birthday present and I deserve a birthday treat"
  7. The Louvre in Paris
    My friend got tired and sat down and I guess he wasn't supposed to sit there. It looked like a bench to all of us... maybe it was priceless art
  8. The grocery store parking lot in Encinitas
    Don't you dare park here to eat at Pipes Cafe across the street. You WILL get yelled at. Have tried it twice unsuccessfully
  9. The Chunnel, French side
    My ancient laptop was literally falling apart so you could sorta see wires underneath parts of it so the guard thought I had a bomb and I almost got arrested. Scariest one while happening, funniest one in retrospect. I hated that laptop. Plus when they searched me I had a "The Office" Dwight-head-shaped stress ball in my pocket which did NOT help matters