I'M GOING TO START CARRYING THE FOLLOWING ITEMS IN MY PURSE.

They trying to trap me yall
  1. Permission slips
    For those who LOOK like minors that I plan to get sexy with. I choose not to get jail time because a 16 year old lied to me at the bar. Slip will state " I'm grown as hell, legal as fuck and I'm going to sign this as proof so I can get sexy with Shelli...."
  2. Pens
    To sign said permission slips
  3. Kodak instant print camera
    To take photos of ids and social security cards of those with young faces I plan to take to funky town.
  4. Mini stapler
    To attach the photos to the signed permission slip and keep it all in order in case the cops show up at my door later.
  5. Extra film
    To take a photo of said young faced person holding their identification and signed contract so that I will have even more proof.
  6. Notepad
    To write down their email addresses so that I can send them a fully scanned version later.
  7. Mints & condoms
    I mean, I already carry these but after they sign the documents and pose for their picture, they get it as sort of a thank you packet.
  8. My uber code on a card
    So that when we are finished you can get the fuck out of my apartment, get home comfortably and I get a free ride to go get pizza the next day.