THINGS I DO WHEN HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS
I'm a complete monster.
- •StealImmediately take trinkets, jewelry and vintage clothes from my mothers closet...as well as my fathers hats
- •Become a slobWhat's that you say? Leave the plate on the floor of the guest room next to the box of Oreos for my mom to grab in the morning? Cool, not a problem.
- •Act like I have no home trainingLeave doors open, don't close the fridge, don't clean the microwave, blast the heat...the usual things that would have gotten me slapped as a child are now sweet to my mother because I never come home to visit.
- •SleepLike all day. In the bedroom, on the couch, in my dads chair, in my moms office...everywhere is nap fucking central.
- •Eat like a teenage boyI demolish every item that is edible in our home. It doesn't help that my mother goes grocery shopping specifically for me for the week and I clear it out in 24-48 hours.
- •Steal moreThis time it's money from my dads wallet or shoes from my moms closet..both are fine and expected upon my arrival.
- •Become unable to move."MOM CAN YOU BRING ME WATER?!?!" "MOM CAN YOU TURN UP THE HEAT?!" "MOM CAN YOU PRESS MY HAIR?!" "MOM CAN YOU BRING ME SOME ICE CREAM?!?"
- •Piss with the door openI guess this falls into the "act like I have no home training" category. But yeah, I'm a caveman about bathroom use at home.Suggested by @meg1
- •Get real politicalWhat do you mean Bernie Who grandma?!