THINGS I DO WHEN HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS

I'm a complete monster.
  1. Steal
    Immediately take trinkets, jewelry and vintage clothes from my mothers closet...as well as my fathers hats
  2. Become a slob
    What's that you say? Leave the plate on the floor of the guest room next to the box of Oreos for my mom to grab in the morning? Cool, not a problem.
  3. Act like I have no home training
    Leave doors open, don't close the fridge, don't clean the microwave, blast the heat...the usual things that would have gotten me slapped as a child are now sweet to my mother because I never come home to visit.
  4. Sleep
    Like all day. In the bedroom, on the couch, in my dads chair, in my moms office...everywhere is nap fucking central.
  5. Eat like a teenage boy
    I demolish every item that is edible in our home. It doesn't help that my mother goes grocery shopping specifically for me for the week and I clear it out in 24-48 hours.
  6. Steal more
    This time it's money from my dads wallet or shoes from my moms closet..both are fine and expected upon my arrival.
  7. Become unable to move.
    "MOM CAN YOU BRING ME WATER?!?!" "MOM CAN YOU TURN UP THE HEAT?!" "MOM CAN YOU PRESS MY HAIR?!" "MOM CAN YOU BRING ME SOME ICE CREAM?!?"
  8. Piss with the door open
    I guess this falls into the "act like I have no home training" category. But yeah, I'm a caveman about bathroom use at home.
    Suggested by   @meg1
  9. Get real political
    What do you mean Bernie Who grandma?!