THOUGHTS ON THE BACHELOR

I've never watched this show and this following list may explain why
  1. It's whack as hell
    What? Fight for your love with like 50 other chicks? Nah you can keep that. I'll try my luck on tinder or in line at Taco Bell when we both order that Mexican pizza.
  2. There HASN'T BEEN A BLACK BACHELOR
    This show has been on for like 10 years...wtf
  3. Oh that's right I understand
  4. Because there are ZERO handsome ass black men in America
    There are some hot normal versions of Michael B. Jordan in line at your local dmv right the fuck now
  5. ZERO successful ass black men in America
    Aren't some of these whack white bachelors like corn farmers anyway? I like corn but damn...that's not as successful as like..I don't know, a kale farmer.
  6. ZERO funny ass black men in America
    That hot black dude in your class? When he makes you laugh pass him a bachelor application. Change his life.
  7. ZERO charming ass black men in America
    Remember when you gave your Audi and condo away to some sexy ass black dude? Nope, you don't...because he charmed the fuck out of you.
  8. ZERO wholesome ass black men in America
    I don't know one black guy who just wants a family, a loving wife, wonderful chemistry and a happy life....not fucking one exists in all of America....not one. 🙄
  9. So..no..I don't watch it
  10. ABC can keep its roses and bungalow banging I've been hearing so much about.
  11. Because
  12. It's been on for like 20 seasons and there is no valid reason why there has not been a fly, sexy ass black dude trying to bang a bunch of chicks while they cry over him in sequin bandage dresses.
  13. And when they do cast one, he had better be black as midnight.
  14. Chocolate as hell
  15. I don't want a racially ambiguous black dude where they can be like "hey...he's black...or at least one person in his family was like 6 generations back...so we're cool right?"
  16. I want to see a black ass, chocolate, yummy, sexy, giant, unforgivingly black dude flashing his pearly whites on the cover of US Weekly when I'm at the market with the tag line "This seasons new bachelor is black as hell yall!!" Splattered across the front.
  17. I'm done
  18. Fuck the bachelor
    And the bachelorette
  19. I vote we give the entire network of ABC over to Shonda Rhimes and let her run with it.
  20. End list.