WAYS YOUR TODDLER AND I ARE THE SAME

  1. I love kids. They see the world through this spectacular lens.
  2. Babies are dope but toddlers..
  3. And I think it's because we are so, so similar..
  4. How you ask?
  5. I'll totally tell you!
  6. I WILL NOT BE HAVING ANY OF YOUR NAPS.
    Yes, I'm kind of tired. Yes, it will probably refuel my energy BUT I just want to stay up and play, let me pass out in the middle of the living room later.
  7. I CAN SENSE CANDY WITHIN 100 FEET OF ME.
    No matter how quiet you are trying to be or how asleep you think I am, I can hear you trying to open that snickers in your purse while you're on the roof.
  8. On that note...
  9. YOU CAN SURELY BRIBE ME WITH CANDY.
    YOU: "Hey Shelli, I'll give you this box of sour patches if you get into this van with no windows and shag carpeting" ME: ".....SURE! OKAY!"
  10. I CAN SURVIVE SOLEY ON SNACKS AND IPAD ENTERTAINMENT
    If you put me in the woods with A box of mixed cheddar bunnies, a Ziploc bag of Cheerios and a iPad on 48% I will be fine for 48-82 hours
  11. I EAT LIKE A DYSLEXIC SQUIRREL WITH OCD
    I tear up my food like a toddler, cut it into tiny pieces like a baby, only eat if my food doesn't touch and need a variety of dipping sauces to go with anything and everything on my plate or I won't eat it
  12. I WANT YOU TO READ TO ME
    Like for real, I'll sit on the rug criss cross apple sauce while you read to me. Right before bedtime too. Don't forget to change your voice for all the characters or I'll throw a hissy fit.
  13. There is more but let's just end it here
  14. Unless you have candy then I will keep going.
  15. Do you have candy?
  16. Yes, tic tacs count..
  17. No.. Peppermints don't, this isn't a Sunday morning church service..
  18. End List.