THE EVENTS OF A GAME OF MONOPOLY

The rise and fall of fun
  1. It begins...
    A racecar, a top hat, and a Scotty dog set off on a pleasant jaunt around Atlantic City.
  2. Buy everything in sight!
    Strategy? This is just a fun time with friends where nobody hates each other and nothing has been set on fire...yet
  3. Jail, jail, income tax, mortgage, JAIL
    How many roailroads can you even own? 2 hotels is HOW MUCH? OH MY GAWD, WHERE IN HELL IS THE FREE PARKING?
  4. Inevitable board flip
    Step 1: Place both palms firmly against the underside of the table. Step 2: gather strength. Step 3: throw that shit as hard as you possibly can
  5. Swear to get your revenge
    This feud shall last for generations. Your grandchildren shall meet those of your opponent on the final battlefield of this world. They shall have fire in their eyes and hatred in their hearts as they charge into the molten core of the earth.
  6. Organize an elaborate scheme to publicly humiliate them
    Two words: atomic. wedgie.
  7. Spend the next five years training to be a ninja in remote Nepalese mountains.
    One day YOU will be the one to teach the cheaters and sore winners of the world a lesson they won't forget
  8. Reconcile your differences through a plucky, Joanna Newsom scored montage
    "We met in the store, I'm a sensitive boar..."
  9. Die in each other's arms two minutes apart after one of you contracts a terrible disease.
    You are both buried in a racecar, wearing top hats