1. "Oh man...is that my face? How long do I have to stare at THAT for?!"
  2. "The nice thing about the smocks is you can stop sucking in your stomach"
  3. "Now I know with complete certainty that I would not be a very attractive floating head"
  4. "Stop making eye contact with everyone in the mirror"
  5. "Stop staring at yourself. People can tell"
  6. "Is that a zit?!"
  7. "Fuck I love someone else shampooing my head. Scalp massages are next level"
  8. "This is definitely not what I asked for"
  9. "I said a TRIM buddy. I'm growing it out."
  10. "So glad I'm finally cutting my bangs. They're at an awful length."
  11. "Why are all these celebrities pregnant at the same time? Something must be going on in Hollywood...something sexual."
  12. "Why do hair dressers always have awful hair?"
  13. "Done already? Oh man, this is cute!"
  14. "There's gotta be one good photo out of these 16 selfies I just took"
  15. "What should I caption it? Oh. #newhairdontcare #bangs"
  16. 2 weeks later...
  17. "Why the fuck did I cut my bangs?"