Inspired by @egiuffri
  1. Are you kidding me?
    Not a real question, just a statement.
  2. Job security
    When I have so much more work to do than can be finished in one day and I am trying to stay positive.
  3. Freakers!
    Used for every situation: excitement, exasperation, anger, joy, etc.
  4. Does EVERYTHING have to get broken?
    I am unsure about the grammatical correctness of this, but I say it to my kids when they break things.
  5. Last person awake needs to turn off all of the lights.
    If I were a better mother I would stay up until all kids are in bed.