SATURDAY NIGHT AT THE FEDEX (SPOILER ALERT: I CALLED THE COPS 👍)

  1. 6pm. @carolineschwartz and I venture out to print a mere 9 photos at our local FedEx.
    Google rates it a 2 out of 5 stars, but who's counting?
  2. 6:10. We discuss upcoming food options on the walk over. Perhaps order Thai? Maybe dabble in some brinner?
    Oh, what fools we were.
  3. 6:15. Arrive at FedEx. It's a little rough around the edges but hey, in our neck of the woods we call that charm.
  4. 6:16. Realize we need to buy a USB to transfer photos because they can't get it from email. It's chill though, I brought my laptop in my mochila 👍
  5. 6:24. Locate and purchase USB from Jose. Little does he know, this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship. 🌷
  6. 6:35. At photo machine #1. 3 easy steps, the sign says. It'll be fun, it says.
  7. 6:45. Photo machine #1 can't read our USB. Devastation. 😪
  8. 6:47. Spirits have lifted. There is a SECOND photo machine a few feet away, Jose points out.
    Thanks, Jose 👍
  9. 6:50. Photo machine #2 does not recognize our photo files. We quell our tears and try to be strong, independent women
  10. 7:04. I feel like a tech genius because I realize we can transfer our photos on my laptop to a recognizable file format. This nightmare is coming to a close.
  11. 7:25. Goddamn my computer is a dinosaur.
  12. 7:30. All transferred, back to Photo machine #2, we have decided on Thai food next.
  13. 7:35. THE PHOTO PRINTER IS BROKEN!!!! PLEASE ASK FOR FEDEX EMPLOYEE!!!!!
  14. 7:40. Jose does the photo printer equivalent to turning it off and then back on.
  15. 7:45. Jose is not ready to give up yet, for behold, there is a THIRD photo machine at the back of the store!!! 🎉🎉🎉
  16. 7:47. Nice guy is printing out cute pics of his family at photo machine #3. This will soon be us! This will soon be us with our 9 measly photos!!
  17. 8:02. Photo machine #3's USB port is broken. 😟
  18. 8:05. Google tells us the Staples next door is closed. 😫
  19. 8:10. Jose suggests we try photo machine #1 again.
    Desperate, we comply.
  20. 8:15. Angry woman stares into my soul as she screams into her iPhone in Spanish.
    No doubt on a similar FedEx journey.
  21. 8:20. Photo machine #1 eats @carolineschwartz credit card, not unlike this FedEx has eaten our will to live.
  22. 8:25. Jose suggests he prints the photos on his special paper with the big printers. Jose, where has this option been the last 2 hours?
  23. 8:27. How many photos? 9. Just 9. JUST F***ING 9!!!
  24. 8:32. Becomes apparent each photo is a trial and error extravaganza for sizing and exposure value.
  25. 8:50. 1 photo down, a stack of reject versions, and Jose is mentioning his impending break (Jose is the only employee here)
  26. 9:00. MY COMPUTER AND WALLET HAVE BEEN STOLEN!!!! Screeches plastic surgery + toupee guy from the back.
    Jose's reaction: 😐
  27. 9:02. Plastic surgery guy: YOU GUYS!!! My laptop and wallet have been STOLLEN!!!!!!!
  28. 9:05. I have volunteered as tribute to call 911 for the guy. I use the term "gentleman" loosely when describing him to the operator.
  29. 9:06. Cops are on their way!!
  30. 9:07. Plastic surgery guy returns sheepishly to the desk: he found his wallet and laptop.
  31. 9:08. Back on phone with 911. They say thanks for the information.
  32. 9:10. Jose ditches us and we are crushed. Dude smelling strongly of the gange is up next to assist with our printing needs.
  33. 9:40. Photos all printed, but we have maybe 1000000 reject versions of the photos and have lost faith in FedEx, if not all of humanity.
  34. 10:00. Return home weary 4 hours from our original departure. Eat Thai food. Watch 'Friends'.
  35. 11:00. Life is worth living again because we completely cover our roommate's room with the reject photos 👍👍👍👍 @amyreed