SHIT I DO TO GET KIDS TO DO SHIT

I'm a nanny. I do what needs to be done.
  1. Empowerment
    Make the little shit feel good about themselves "Hey it would be really cool and mature of you to stop trying to grab the poop out of your diaper"
  2. Reasoning
    Try and instill some basic understanding of how the world works "You know, when you decide to hurl yourself off your high chair the laws of physics clearly state you will hurt your ass"
  3. Hold Something Hostage
    When other methods fail- I usually attempt to hold one of their beloved items hostage "Buzzlightyear will be released from the jail (aka out from under my ass), but only if you shove those peas into your pie hole by the time I count to three"
  4. Bribery
    This is the shittiest of all ways to get a kid to do something, ironically it's also the most effective "You can have my mind, body, and soul if you shut the fuck up for a few hours... No? Ok. How about chocolate and TV?"
  5. Ignorance is Bliss
    Self explanatory.