i was a vegetarian/vegan for 4 years until i got reeeeal protein deficient & my hair started falling out ;)
  1. To get the most attention on Thanksgiving
  2. To have the final say on restaurant choices
  3. To be morally superior even at my very worst
    i might've gotten drunk at your toddler's birthday party but at least i didn't murder a pig, karen
  4. To sever that final tie and have absolutely nothing in common with my distant relatives
  5. To fill the void with more carbs
    this is 100% true
  6. To lose weight
    dumb but true & also it didn't work bc oreos are vegan
  7. To be healthier
  8. To feel like I was making at least 3 ethically-rooted decisions a day