GEE WILLIKERS, BATMAN V SUPERMAN IS A 152-MINUTE LONG ORGY MADE BY COLD-EYED MARKETING TROLLS

Why so serious, guys? http://slate.me/1RyLSFo
  1. “Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice” is DC Comics’ attempt to wade into the artistic tar pits of the superhero franchise market.
    Marvel and Disney have already cashed in with insanely profitable empires built off Iron Man, Captain America, and the Avengers.
  2. Directed by Zach Snyder, famous for “300” and “Watchmen”, the film is the first installment of the Justice League franchise.
    At least three more films are already in the works, as “Batman v Superman” makes viewers painfully aware.
  3. According to @slate senior editor Jonathan Fischer, “[i]t might be the most teaser-dense film ever made.”
    (He hated it, by the way.)
  4. Snyder’s brutality and the superhero genre’s natural absurdist tendencies are a borderline-unwatchable combination.
    The film features cameos from Neil de Grasse Tyson and Andrew Sullivan, but even they can’t make it seem less stupid.
  5. Ben Affleck plays an aging Batman and Henry Cavill plays a domesticated Superman, while Jesse Eisenberg is eccentric villain Lex Luthor.
    Gal Gadot also stars as Wonder Woman.
  6. The highly-anticipated fight between cultural icons has made already made “Batman v Superman” the top preselling superhero movie in history, though critics have accused it of being, essentially, an extended trailer for later films in the series.
  7. WHO’S EXCITED FOR AQUAMAN?!?!?!?!?!