Reasons why I shouldn't be a massage therapist (but I totally am)

  1. I have trouble hugging people
    Yes, I can touch someone's naked body for up to two hours, but come in for a hug...I'm gonna do something awkward.
  2. Onion fingers
    I make a lot of bone broth, so I'm constantly anxious that my hands smell like onion. I've used everything to get rid of the smell, but what if my hands are on their face and it didn't work?!?!
  3. I'm painfully shy
    Okay, this used to be crippling. It's way better now, but when a stranger starts asking me rapid fire questions I still get very flustered and want to throw a smoke bomb to hide.
  4. When my friends ask me to "check out their shoulder" at the bar on Saturday night, I dig in until they cry out.
    I feel like a proper therapist should be more loving, but I'm having a bevy, and I'm on my fucking break!