Requested by Kate

Weirdest Thing I've Experienced as a Massage Therapist

@kate81 this is such a great list suggestion! I don't know if I can keep it to one weird thing. Here's my three top four. Caution: this gets very real.
  1. A client farted in my ear.
    I was using my elbow starting from the tailbone gliding toward the head. My head was maybe a foot from her backdoor and "poooof".
  2. A man once told me I'd make a great phone sex operator.
    What in the hell do I say to that? "One more comment like that and I'll fire you." That's what. Spoiler alert, he elaborated, and I fired him.
  3. Walking in on a naked person.
    I always explain the routine. Undress to your level of comfort, in between the sheets, face up, and I'll knock before I come back in. At least once I year, there's always a woman/man but-ass naked just standing there when I ask if they are "all set", just covering their bits with their hands. Whoa.
  4. A client I had been working with for eight years offered me $5,000 to sleep with him one night.
    I was shocked, but because I had known him so long I decided to get to the bottom of this. After tearing down some walls, I found out that he hadn't slept with his wife in 3 years. I could've exploded and fired him (which would've been totally fair), but instead talked him through some truth. They got into counseling and seem to be doing very well.
  5. Bonus: a regular client in his sixties, usually silent, asked "where do you think we go when we die?".
    I was taken so off guard that I answered him honestly. I explained that I think we are all part of a universal energy. We die, we are returned to the earth, and we are used to create more life. Energy can neither be created not destroyed, yeah? He said simply, "I like that idea", and that was it. He never spoke of it again.
  6. Extra bonus: (because I just remembered!) A woman brought sugar squirrels in with her!
    She had them under the blanket with her and said, "I don't go anywhere without them, and they usually stay in my shirt." So they just squeaked and ran around between the sheets the whole time.