1. A directional sign that says "Beach"
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    Thank you for pointing out what I can already see/hear.
  2. A punny name like Looney Dunes or Shore Enough
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    How about just 5455 Beach Street
  3. Art that says "unwind" or "relax" or "enjoy"
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  4. Absurd rules like "don't cook crab inside" or "please wash your towels before you leave"
    I just paid you a thousand dollars to sleep in your house for two nights, if I want to make it temporarily smell like a cannery and use bath towels like napkins I absolutely will.
  5. A telescope for ...?
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    Whale watching? Star gazing? Something to spend your security deposit on when you get trashed and break it while pretending to be Russell Crowe in Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World?
  6. A propane grill that's out of gas
    This might just be my own curse
  7. Oars
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    There's usually also nautical knot nearby
  8. Wicker and jute everything
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    The two most uncomfortable textiles known to humankind
  9. Inoperable stained glass windows
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  10. Operable porthole windows
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  11. Lamp filled with shells
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  12. Something absolutely critical missing from the kitchen
    Lately it's been a coffee grinder, every time
  13. Random things made from driftwood
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    Took the time to procure this string of painted driftwood stubs but couldn't bother to buy a coffee grinder?