1. A directional sign that says "Beach"
    Thank you for pointing out what I can already see/hear.
  2. A punny name like Looney Dunes or Shore Enough
    How about just 5455 Beach Street
  3. Art that says "unwind" or "relax" or "enjoy"
  4. Absurd rules like "don't cook crab inside" or "please wash your towels before you leave"
    I just paid you a thousand dollars to sleep in your house for two nights, if I want to make it temporarily smell like a cannery and use bath towels like napkins I absolutely will.
  5. A telescope for ...?
    Whale watching? Star gazing? Something to spend your security deposit on when you get trashed and break it while pretending to be Russell Crowe in Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World?
  6. A propane grill that's out of gas
    This might just be my own curse
  7. Oars
    There's usually also nautical knot nearby
  8. Wicker and jute everything
    The two most uncomfortable textiles known to humankind
  9. Inoperable stained glass windows
  10. Operable porthole windows
  11. Lamp filled with shells
  12. Something absolutely critical missing from the kitchen
    Lately it's been a coffee grinder, every time
  13. Random things made from driftwood
    Took the time to procure this string of painted driftwood stubs but couldn't bother to buy a coffee grinder?