HEADLINES FROM TODAY'S NEWS THAT UPSET ME

  1. "Iggy Azalea reveals she got breast implants to 'match her bottom'"
  2. "Facebook: The Next Home of the New York Times?"
    Please God no
  3. "Steve Jobs: F*ck Neil Young"
    Oh no he din't
  4. "Jupiter May Be Behind The Mysterious Gaping Hole in Our Solar System"
    Fuck you Jupiter you have no right
  5. All the Ted Cruz ones