IS IT TIME TO TAKE MY WIFE TO THE HOSPITAL TO DELIVER OUR BABY?

  1. 1.
    Is she in any pain?
    Yes: Go to 4 / No: Go to 2
  2. 2.
    Are you absolutely sure?
    I think so: Go to 3 / Wait, now she is: Go to 4
  3. 3.
    Ask her again please.
    She says no: Go to 11 / Yeah she is: Go to 4
  4. 4.
    Is she currently yelling at you?
    Yes: Go to 5 / No: Go to 6
  5. 5.
    Does this yelling seem different than the yelling you have experienced over the last 9 months (i.e. Does her voice suddenly sound deep and gravelly like Dana after she's been possessed by Zuul in 'Ghostbusters'?)
    Yes it's scaring me: Go to 12 / No: Go to 6
  6. 6.
    Is there a doula in the room?
    Yes: Go to 13 / No or "What's a doula?": Go to 7
  7. 7.
    Are contractions occurring?
    Yes: Go to 8 / No: Go to 11
  8. 8.
    Are the contractions increasing in intensity AND occurring more or less than 5 minutes apart?
    Yes and less: Go to 12 / Yes and more: Go to 9 / No and more: Go to 14
  9. 9.
    Is this your first or second+ baby?
    First: Go to 10 / Second+: Go to 12
  10. 10.
    Is she asking to go to the hospital regardless of what this list tells you to do?
    Yes: Go to 12 / No: Go to 14
  11. 11.
    💆Not yet, but get her a glass of water and massage whatever she wants massaged💆
  12. 12.
    🏃GOGOGOGOGOGOGO💨
  13. 13.
    💁Just ask the doula what to do💁
  14. 14.
    😮Not yet, but pack a bag because you're going soon🎒