SERIOUS FACTS ABOUT THIS YEAR'S FLU SHOT

  1. Thanks to El Niño the season will be longer this year necessitating a slightly larger dosage (3,785 ml or about a gallon)
  2. This year's formula is comprised of 50% chocolate buttercream frosting
  3. The Grateful Dead concerts featuring John Mayer are actually an elaborate ruse to vaccinate our most vulnerable population: elderly hippies. Crowds attending these shows will be misted with the live nasal inhalant version of vaccine. They will not notice.
  4. The shot will be more widely available than ever, even dispensed at local fast food restaurant drive-thrus
  5. New side effect this year: Insatiable craving for Arby's that lasts until March
  6. Scientists name the strain every year using the Ben and Jerry's brand style guide - This year's strain is named Chubby FluLaval Quadrivalent Hubby®
  7. It is still kosher, as always
  8. It will most definitely work better than last year's shot