SHOPPING CARTS, RANKED

  1. 1.
    Double Decker Trolley
    Once only available for boutique shopping experiences (read: expensive and tiny natural foods stores) these were an absolute revelation when they started appearing at mainstream grocery stores. Compact, easy to maneuver around indecisive grandmas and keeps you from buying too much stuff, it doesn't get better than these little beauties.
  2. 2.
    Classic Wire Rattler
    Great lines, ample space on three levels, timeless design, you know this cart as a both a workhorse of consumerism and the tumbleweed of modern suburbia. I would rank this one on top by default except for the fact that they are all broken pieces of shit.
  3. 3.
    Small Wire Rattler
    I like these because they're usually associated with a specialty shopping experience, like TJs or maybe Walgreens (although what are you buying at Walgreens that requires a shopping cart, weirdo?). They're light and deliver all the ambience of the classic wire rattler without the ponderous girth.
  4. 4.
    Flatbed Cart
    Comes in a variety of sizes, common for lumber and flat pack furniture shopping. The heft and clatter really make you feel like you're getting something done, or just refreshingly out of your element depending on your aptitude for building things.
  5. 5.
    Plastic Rattler
    Though generally quieter and better maintained than their steel siblings, I have to rank these a bit lower because the experience of pushing them around makes me feel like a toddler with a Fisher Price toy.
  6. 6.
    IKEA Kråze Karts
    Yeah we get it, every thing here is "European" and a little "quirky," including all the freaky shopping carts that seem to go in whatever fucking direction they want whenever they want BECAUSE ALL FOUR WHEELS CAN SWIVEL FOR SOME INEXPLICABLE SWEDISH REASON.
  7. 7.
    Mega Wire Rattler
    Sadly the most American of all shopping carts, could easily hold several normal sized shopping carts and still have room for a 500 pack of Kirkland hot dogs on the bottom.
  8. 8.
    Kids Cart
    Obviously if I was ranking these as a kid they would be at the top of the list. But I'm not. I'm ranking them as an adult parent clinging to some seriously wispy threads of dignity that will absolutely snap under the weight of having to push one more of these NASCAR-themed dumpsters of sadness around a grocery store.