1. Jerry
    The asshole who makes a web in front of my front door every night. Go to hell, Jerry.
  2. Helen
    The spider that somehow got into my car and skitters across the dashboard only when I am occupied making a complicated driving maneuver. GTFO Helen.
  3. Tim
    The massive and spindly black spider that appears on the floor in my basement and vanishes into thin air while I am frantically searching for a shoe or lead pipe. Tim: Your guts will be mine.
  4. Midge
    The brown garden spider that ended up in my hair this morning while I was mowing the lawn. Don't RIP Midge.
  5. The Redshirts
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    The endless supply of generic house spiders that haplessly fall into a bathtub or sink overnight, only to demise at the hand of my godlike water summoning powers.
  6. Anonymous
    The giant disgusting brown spider that ran onto my hand when I opened the garbage can just now, I hate you the most.