THE MYSTERY OF THE APPLE THROWING LUNATIC TERRORIZING MY NEIGHBORHOOD
Many of my neighbors have woken to find apples on their roof and strange manifesto letters clothes-pinned to their mailboxes. Here are the facts.
- •The person doing this signs the letters "Envious Moon"
- •According to the letter, EM is a homeless cyclist who collects apples in a backpack from trees around town during the day
- •The apple throwing is happening at 4AM once a week
- •S/he is specifically targeting homes with Priuses parked in front of them
- •Apparently some windows have been broken "accidentally" because "they happened to be on the roof tops where the apples were thrown"
- •The three page typed manifesto includes a hand drawn route map at the end
- •This has apparently been going on for years and seems to be an elaborate crusade against US Senator Jeff Merkley. Previous incarnations used tomatoes instead of apples and signed the letter either "Welcome Wagon" or "Artemis of the Wildland." Here's a 2014 version of the letter.
- •I just put a Jeff Merkley bumper sticker on my car because we're out of apples.