THINGS I YELLED AT MY SON WHILE BIKING HIM TO SCHOOL TODAY
Somewhere around 3.5 years old he started conversing primarily in argument form, and bike rides are a prime battleground because we're trapped together in close proximity. Sometimes I wear headphones to drown him out. Sometimes we just yell at each other for 15 minutes.
- •STOP HITTING MY BACK, THIS BIKE IS A NO TOUCH ZONE TODAY I'M SERIOUS
- •THIS IS THE RIGHT WAY, I TAKE YOU TO SCHOOL EVERYDAY WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I DONT KNOW THE WAY?
- •THAT IS NOT A FORKLIFT CRANE, I THINK I KNOW WHAT A FORKLIFT CRANE LOOKS LIKE
- •THAT IS NOT MY MUSIC, I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER THAT CAR'S STEREO
- •NO SIR THIS BIKE IS NOT DIRTY, I KEEP IT VERY CLEAN
- •THAT GARBAGE TRUCK IS ABSOLUTELY NOT BOTHERING YOU, HE IS DOING HIS JOB
- •YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO JUST DEAL WITH THESE BUMPS DUDE
- •I AM ALREADY USING MY MUSCLES, THAT'S HOW WE MOVE
- •IT IS NOT SATURDAY, I HAVE A CALENDAR AND KNOW FOR A FACT IT'S MONDAY
- •IT'S MY WISH AND I CAN USE IT ON WHATEVER I WANT, THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT
- •THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A POOP STORE, STOP YELLING THAT
- •I LOVE YOU TOO, STOP HITTING ME