UPSETTING HEADLINES FROM TODAY'S NEWS

  1. "Pope Francis Meets the Harlem Globetrotters, Gets His Own Jersey"
    Do not cheapen the sacred institution of the Globetrotters with your papal showboating.
  2. "No-Fuss Hamptons Living"
    Thanks but no thanks NYT, you're missing the point of the Hamptons.
  3. "Zac Brown Band Beats Groban"
    @JoshGroban are you OK? I never trusted those Brown boys.
  4. "Kevin Bacon Looks Unrecognizable in Latest Selfie"
    How can you be sure?
  5. "Another Sea Lion Dies at Bonneville Dam"
    Why ya always gotta be so real, NPR?
  6. All the Deflategate ones
    Tom did it. There are no more American heroes.