WHICH CARDIO MACHINE SHOULD I USE?

A decision tree list for the aerobic minded.
  1. 1.
    Is there a treadmill available?
    Yes: Go to 11 / No: Go to 2
  2. 2.
    How long have you been a member of this gym?
    A year or more: Go to 5 / Between a month and a year: Go to 4 / I'm on a free trial: Go to 3
  3. 3.
    Have you ever been a member of a gym before?
    Yes: Go to 4 / No: Go to 12
  4. 4.
    Do you like to multitask with magazines or your phone while working out, are you hungover and/or are you really just killing time here?
    Yes: Go to 13 / No: Go to 5
  5. 5.
    Do you commute daily to any destination, like work or the gym, by bike?
    Yes: Go to 6 / No: Go to 15
  6. 6.
    Are you a runner or do you spend any significant time outside of the gym walking or running?
    Yes: Go to 15 / No: Go to 7
  7. 7.
    How feathery would you say your hair is?
    Not feathery or I'm bald: Go to 9 / Heather Locklear in TJ Hooker or George Michael in Wham!: Go to 16 / Farrah Fawcett in Charlie's Angels: Go to 8
  8. 8.
    How happy are you with your butt?
    Happy: Go to 9 / Not happy or could be happier: Go to 17
  9. 9.
    How old are you?
    40 or older: Go to 18 / Under 40: Go to 10
  10. 10.
    Are you rehabbing from an injury?
    Yes: Go to 12 / No: Go to 19
  11. 11.
    🏃Use the treadmill🏃
  12. 12.
    🌙Use the elliptical🌙
  13. 13.
    💤Use the recumbent bike💤
  14. 14.
    🚴Use the upright bike🚴
  15. 15.
    🚣Use the rowing machine🚣
  16. 16.
    💨Use the fan bike💨
  17. 17.
    📶Use any kind of climber📶
  18. 18.
    🚶Use the arc trainer🚶
  19. 19.
    🕒Throw a medicine ball around or something while you wait for a treadmill🕒