Things I Didn't Know About Having a Newborn

I have a 4 week old, and I have no idea what I'm doing.
  1. How tired I could be.
    See photo.
  2. How often I would get peed/pooped/vommitted on.
    6+ times a day.
  3. Hemorrhoids.
    Mother's, not child's.
  4. You will simultaneously cry from exhaustion/frustration, and also the fact that your baby won't ever be a baby again.
    You won't be able to hold her the same. She will just grow up to be a large human, independent of you (hopefully).
  5. How big my boobs would get!
    This perk comes at a price: constantly leaking breast milk.
  6. You can no longer eat lunch whenever you want.
    Actually, you can't do anything whenever you want anymore (i.e shower, poop, get laid, get drunk)
  7. When she sheds her first tear how much it will break your heart.