REAL QUOTES FROM DAY ONE OF THE REPUBLICAN NATIONAL CONVENTION

In Cleveland
  1. "He's an unguided missile. He has to become serious and substantive and drop the bombastic belligerence."
    GOP commentator Don Sipple on Donald Trump's goals going into the convention. He'll be dropping that fire mixtape soon enough
  2. "A roll call vote is our right as delegates. Roll call vote! Roll call vote! Roll call vote!"
    Utah Senator Mike Lee says to a reporter as he continues to chant like he's yelling at the ref in a Raptors game.
  3. "It is really beneficial from sheriff races all the way to state senate races!"
    David Barton, Christian Cowboy—er, Activist who steered a Cruz Super Pac, trying but failing to convince people that a petition for a roll call vote isn't such a pathetic and meaningless thing to do.
  4. "Rigged election. Walk out."
    A text from Kendal Unruh to anti-trump delegates on the floor.
  5. "Can you sign my giant poster of Melania Trump's head?"
    Random guy with a Melania Trump head cutout poster asking people to sign it.
  6. "The Bushes are behaving, I think, childishly." "Childishly?" "Childishly. I mean, Jeb lost. You know, get over it."
    Newt Gingrich talking to George Stephanopoulos about something that has literally nothing to do with anything going on.
  7. "Our goal is to destroy them."
    Trump Delegate wrangler, Rick Gates, on delegates who want to unbind and vote freely
  8. "This is a Republican family discussion."
    Ohio delegate Jon Stainbrook, who is trying to convince us the party is not disunited, even though he's not buying it himself
  9. "I have never seen the floor abandoned like that...maybe his mom called or something."
    Utah Senator Mike Lee after Arkansas Rep. Steve Womack, who was serving as convention chair, walked off the podium.
  10. "Fuck dis shit!"
    Virginia's Ken Cuccinelli right before he took off his badge, threw it on the ground, and walked off.