THINGS I DID IN NYC THIS WEEK INSTEAD OF APARTMENT HUNTING

See also: the dangers of funemployment in NYC
  1. Got Katz to go
    Redeemed the half-sour for eternity. TG for mustard
  2. Matched w/ 50 exceedingly eligible bachelors on Tinder
    And not a word has been spoken on either side. Ah, millenials.
  3. Tried to run the bridle path on the Jackie O reservoir
    Tried
  4. Rolled around the lawn at Le Bain
    Bc nothing says "casual Sunday" like overpriced prosecco & Russian oligarchs
  5. Made an appearance in Queens
    If you blackout before you enter ps1, were you ever really in Queens? Asking for a friend
  6. Lost: 1 voice, 1 credit card, 1 dignity
  7. Gained: 1 appt, 1 hickey, 5 lbs