PEOPLE AT THE GYM TO NOT BE

A spirited rant/cheat sheet. Mostly for those who identify as men.
  1. The "circuit training" guy
    It is 5:30 PM on a god damn Wednesday, you do not have the right to use a squat rack, two benches and the cable machine at the same time. No arguments.
  2. The unofficial personal trainer
    Look, if you want to do squats wrong, feel free! But don't spread that misinformation to your unwitting friends and colleagues
  3. The unofficial personal trainer - unwarranted edition
    She didn't ask you, bro. Give it a rest.
  4. This guy usually also qualifies as Mr. "I came to the gym to hit on women"
    Yeah, I know, when I see someone running on the treadmill with headphones in, my first thought is to try and talk to them too.
  5. The group of teenagers commandeering the leg press machine
    You and your 6 friends are 15 and collectively weigh about enough to fly away in a light breeze. All you have proven is that you can pile every single 45 lb plate in the gym on a single machine, and let's be honest, you aren't even quarter-repping that shit. There are other people who need those weights so they can actually lift them.
  6. The guy who wears a regular t-shirt but then tries to roll his sleeves up
    This honestly baffles me. Buy a tank top or cut the sleeves off. You're spending half your workout re-rolling them to...look tougher I guess?
  7. The middle-aged man who hits a yoga pose every few minutes as an excuse to check out the women in the stretching room.
    Gross
  8. The other middle-aged man who wears a weightlifting belt over his beer belly and grunts really loudly
    Also dude, lose the gloves. Your whole deal is looking like you're in a biker gang, get some calluses.
  9. The guy in the altitude training mask
    Are they holding the Olympics at Mt. Everest base camp this year? Guess what, it's irrelevant. You're half-assing a bodyweight routine at a strip-mall YMCA in the suburbs of Wilmington, Delaware. Calm tf down
  10. Curls in the squat rack
    Ok this has been a meme for years. There is nO EXCUSE
  11. Anybody who spends a majority of their time on the ab machines
    Look I'm sure these are good people, but as a general fitness tip, abs do not work that way. Change your diet and start a real routine. The path you're on will only be discouraging when you see no results.
  12. The person trying to market Amway to people who are working out
    This actually happened to me once
  13. The guy who air-drums to pop-punk songs between deadlift sets
    This is me. I look ridiculous
  14. The person who didn't google anything before their first day
    Hey, you. We're all on your side! Congratulations for getting started! But please don't enter the free weights section if all you're going to do is mill around, do some curls and in general look scared and confused. This stuff isn't intimidating if you take the time to look it up before you go to the gym. It is all online. Everything - form, technique, etiquette - in both text and video form. Seriously, look it up, you will thank me.
  15. The person who complains about other people in the gym
    What a dick, honestly. Let everyone be