THINGS I LEARNED FROM A 90 YEAR OLD LADY I CANVASSED TODAY

  1. I should know when to send her absentee ballot in (she's probably right, but I know where her polling place is so we'll call it even)
  2. She's a Republican (she's an independent)
  3. The Great War with Russia and China is soon coming
  4. Obama will impose martial law
  5. Catholics are immediately excommunicated if they vote Democrat
    Because they're killing babies
  6. Soon, a new nation will rise
    Actual quote
  7. I should be wearing a hat because it's cold
  8. She was sweet
  9. She also spoke with the sincerity of a Stephen King villain, and now I'm afraid for my life.