This is the first time I've watched CNN in awhile since JS left the Daily Show...
  1. Search: Bernie Sanders Hillary Clinton Debate *click*
  2. Oh, there are other candidates?
  3. Jim Gaffigan is running for president?
  4. Martin O'Malley is going to ask me for my seeds of faith.
  5. Bernie, I heard you say this in a YouTube hype video.
  6. First question to Hillary?
  7. Second question to Hillary?
  8. Follow up question? To Hillary?
  9. Oh, Wes, you can't cut Hillary off. Save that for Webb.
  10. #Feelthebern
  11. Wes knows the population of Denmark. Neat.
  12. O'Malley looks like he belongs next to a fireplace.
  13. "White culture" : last thing we hear Webb say for an hour.
  14. Bernie almost failed his NRA exam.
  15. O'Malley is telling a story.
  16. Hillary mentally high fives Bernie.
  17. Wes thinks about asking Webb a question.
  18. Instead he looks at his notes, which say "ratings.", and asks Hillary/Bernie a question.
  19. "A quagmire inside of a quagsire."
  20. What's Webb up to?
  21. Wes: here's a complex issue, is it a good thing or a bad thing?
  22. Wes: emails?
  23. Hillary: no.
  24. Bernie: no.
  25. O'Malley: no.
  26. Chaffy: but emails?
  27. Everyone: NO!
  28. #blacklivesmatter
  29. Allegories ensue.
  30. Webb has a tho-
  31. Bernie and Hillary talk about banks.
  32. Webb thi-
  33. Bernie and Hillary talk about climate change.
  34. Chaffy's out having a smoke break. Webb tries to spe-
  35. Bernie and Hillary talk about the economy.
  36. Webb finally speaks, whines about time, then introduces a new to-
  37. Chaffy comes back in and asks Wes to be gentle.
  38. Quick redirection to economy.
  39. Candidates read of pre-rehearsed speeches.
  40. Wes wonders why he bothers asking questions.
  41. Webb's feelings are hurt and he thinks-
  42. Debate ends.