Things My Chinese Mom Has Told Me

  1. You're getting fat
  2. *stuffs bowl with food* Sofia, why you no eat more??
  3. You're getting pimples. It's because your body is too hot. You need to drink more water and eat more vegetables to cool down
  4. Don't marry a black guy. You gonna have dark children that don't look like you.
  5. You just be a good daughter and do your homework (and the 5 extra workbooks I picked up for you at Costco)
  6. Don't take the screen off your new phone. Da screen keep it nice and clean
  7. DON'T THROW AWAY THE PAPER TOWEL! Maybe I'll use it to clean the table later
  8. Don't shake your leg when you sit down, because that means you are kicking your mom (I still don't get this)
  9. Don't marry a farmer like I did
  10. What do you want to eat?
  11. I sat in the chicken .... (she meant kitchen)
  12. Clean your bedroom. You think [insert crush name] will like you if he knew what your bedroom looked like?
  13. Seriously though, what do you want to eat?
  14. DON'T TELL ME TO DRIVE FASTER
  15. I love you, Sofia