THINGS I'VE DONE DURING MY FIRST EASTER WEEKEND WITH WHITE PEOPLE

It's not just eggs and candy y'all.
  1. Explore the suburbs of Dallas/Fort Worth
    I invited myself to my long-distance friends' family weekend in, I shit you not, Trophy Club, Texas which is a suburb of Fort Worth. How amazing is that city name?
  2. Learn stereotypes about southern baptists
    That they are all booze hounds but no one wants to be known as one in public. A quote from the cutest grandma: "the first thing the family is to do if I am in the hospital and unable to get home is to hide all my liquor." ADORBS!!
  3. You get to spend time with adorable grandparents who aren't yours but treat you like they are!
    Seriously, the CUTEST
  4. Southern Mac n cheese is God's gift to us on this weekend of His Son's zombie return.
  5. There's an amazing call and response you must learn and use liberally.
    Person 1: He is risen! Person 2: He is risen, indeed!
  6. You have to eat. A lot.
    Hooooly shit. My stomach has expanded to a previously impossible width. Load me up with that ham, son!
  7. Dyed Easter eggs!
    Pro tip: Cracked eggs that are triple dipped make for awesome eggs. See bottom left egg for proof.
  8. Drink wine. Repeat ad infinitum.
    Pretty self explanatory. I'm a lightweight so this has been interesting.
  9. Drink whiskey. Repeat ad infinitum.
    See above.
  10. Sit by a delightful outdoor fire, and sing along while two guitarists strum the notes to "Hey Jude." Sing the "Na na na na" part at least 10 times.
    If it's not clear, this comes after the infinite wine and whiskey.
  11. You get an Easter basket!!!
  12. And it's full of goodies!!!
  13. You will leave with at least a 2 weeks' worth of amazing leftovers.
    Do not fight this. You will lose. Embrace the copious amount of brisket and ribs and Mac and cheese you now possess.
  14. You will not want to end such a wonderful, welcoming, and warm weekend.
    Thank you, Sudderth family!! When's the next get together? Sign me up!!