MY FIRST CRUSH
Was in 1st grade it was awful and was a prologue to many other awful relationships. Buckle up, ladies and gentlemen:
- •My first crush was on a girl named Sparkle
- •It's kind of weird to have that feeling at 7 I was wholly unprepared 😬
- •I remember just being her shadow at all timesI guess my seven year old self figured I'd annoy her into liking me
- •Even managed to sit next to her in classIt was kismet!
- •Well I guess she was tired of this, and she decided to do something about itCan't blame her I certainly could not spell nuance much less fathom it
- •So she looked me dead in the eye and said "You've got a unibrow"she was right but it was wispy and also I barely bathed myself much less boyscaped
- •I can't remember if I cried in class but I definitely cried when I got home
- •And after I caught my breath and screamed into my pillow a couple of times, I took matters into my own hands
- •I didn't want anyone to see me doing this, so logically I did it in my bedroom closetWith the light off
- •Needless to say, I fucked my whole little face up
- •I had no idea what I had done until I ran into my older brother and he clowned me into an oblivion
- •I then had to think of a good lie to tell my momWhen I couldn't I just cried some more
- •She spared me any questions considering I effectively punished myself
- •But now my eyebrows are stunning and I like to think this incident had something to do with itAs if God looked down and said "Damn, son"...