France presidential candidates ranked by how much I'd enjoy having drinks with them
Because why even discussing their politics or their integrity at this point...
- 1.Philippe PoutouWe'd have beers and laugh. We'd bitch about capitalism and billionaires and we'd elaborate plans to change the society!
- 2.Benoît HamonHe'd get red wine and me white wine. We would discuss the true meaning of being a socialist and after a few drinks we'd laugh about how he's ostracized by his party because he's truly one.
- 3.Nathalie ArthaudOver carrots juice we'd politely exchange about the world, mostly about past history and women condition.
- 4.Jean-Luc MélenchonHe'd have a whiskey and me some Coca Cola just to piss him off. I would have fun slowly manipulating him into admitting he has too much of an ego and then we would prepare together the 6th republic.
- 5.Jacques CheminadeHe would not drink, only eat peanuts like a maniac. I would smoke pot and make him talk about aliens from Mars.
- 6.Jean LasalleI would pay a friend to come with me and come up with a drinking game to pass the time.
- 7.Francois AsselineauOver saké, I would make him tell me about his childhood until he very soon cries.
- 8.Emmanuel MacronI would listen to his program while watching him right between the eyes and count how many seconds he can go without blinking. I would not drink alcohol and I would have a friend in disguise somewhere in the public space.
- 9.Nicolas Dupont AignanI would intentionally get wasted on martinis and throw olives at him
- 10.Marine Le PenI would bring my earplugs and a sleep mask and just wait. I would maybe dance to try to forget.
- 11.François FillonI would sit right next to him and drink silently my hot cocoa while looking him in the eyes with daggers flying from them. And oops my hot cocoa on your 3000$ suit...