THINGS I LEARNED WHEN I MOVED OUT FOR THE FIRST TIME
At 19 I moved to a small town 4 and a half hours away from all of my friends and family in the dead of winter. Now I share my wisdom.
- •Don't leave your phone in the snow all day on your first day of workYou will cry all evening and want to go home immediately. Eat some double cheeseburgers in the Walmart McDonalds to ease the pain.
- •It is perfectly acceptable to celebrate small accomplishments with vodka and Kool-Aid Jammers if there are no parental figures around to judge youWhat else are you going to do on a Saturday night when you finally get your GameCube working?
- •Shovelling is hardReally hard. Try 5 minutes shovelling, 15 minutes lying in the snow waiting for death. Repeat until driveway is cleared or you are too defeated to go on.
- •If your neighbours see you roll to your car in a snowsuit for a few consecutive days, one of them might snow-blow your driveway for youThank them and their nifty machine with your 5am ugly tears, or a gift card to a coffee shop. Or both.
- •Don't heat up taco shells in the toaster ovenThere's a warning on the box now, but there wasn't then.
- •When attempting to extinguish your toaster oven fire, ask yourself "could this be a grease fire?" BEFORE you are throwing a pot of water at the flamesI was extremely stupid but extremely lucky. Also, unplug the toaster oven first. (That's the one thing I did right)
- •When you're living on your own you can have breakfast for supper every night. Maybe don'tIt is delicious but you will occasionally need nutrition that breakfast meats and bread do not provide.
- •If the guy at your usual fast food spot gives you 5 chicken fingers when you order 3 and doesn't charge you extra, don't bring your boyfriend in when he comes to visitYou will lose the young boy's love (and chicken gifts) and your boyfriend will be mad you didn't tell him to wait in the car because he wants to benefit from your free chicken strips.
- •It is possible to survive with an oven with no door and your neighbour's unprotected wifiJust wait it out. Your landlord and Internet company will come thru and everything will be gravy.