Memories of Birthday Parties Past
Mine and others
- •My brother took his diaper off at one of my parties and then proceeded to shit on our living room floor
- •My mom, as all good stay at home moms of the 90s, made me an elaborate birthday cake one year. It was a carousel cake, with animal crackers as the seats and a fancy roof on top made out of wrapping paper. Wrapping paper she did not remove when the birthday candles were lit. And which then got set on fire.
- •That one year with 99 Blackberries where everyone threw up, someone got their ear pierced in my bathroom and more than one inanimate object had to endure rambling intoxicated conversations.
- •I lost my tooth in a ball pit at Michelle Trachtenberg's party one year, true story. Lost in the sense of it fell out and also lost as in I never found it.
- •My sweet 16 when we took Polaroids with a cut out of David Boreanaz and my friends got in trouble for riding in the church's dumb waiter.
- •For my sister's birthday one year my dad dressed up like a clown and traumatized a little girl.
- •Make your own pizza, sculpting with clay, watching Now and Then or The Craft, rinse and repeat for every sleepover.
- •The party I did not have where I turned 21 and instead bought a six pack at the grocery store. My mom let me drink 1 beer while I watched Lost before asking me if I thought I'd had enough.
- •When the first of my friends turned 21 and so we all pregamed excessively and went dancing in the city at a gay club and I bought multiple bottles of water at the bodega next door.
- •When another one of my friends turned 21 and the guests included a guy who brought his own cheap beer in his backpack and smelled like a bowling alley, racists who openly discussed lynchings and also a lightbulb in a punch bowl.
- •The birthdays she'd had before that of Coldstone, cookie dough as a cake, Wet Hot American Summer, that stupid battle of the bands, and the llama farm.
- •Seeing Feivel Goes West for my friend's birthday and having to fit in one car on the trip home for cake. There were like 7 of us in the backseat. I sat crumpled in one of the wells scared the whole time I was going to die from not wearing my seatbelt and my mother would never forgive me.
- •Speaking of, when I saw There's Something About Mary for Michelle W's birthday and knew I was going to suffer once word got back to my parents.
- •Also still remember seeing Aladdin in theaters for Sonia's birthday. Like weirdly specifically.