Memories of Birthday Parties Past

Mine and others
  1. My brother took his diaper off at one of my parties and then proceeded to shit on our living room floor
  2. My mom, as all good stay at home moms of the 90s, made me an elaborate birthday cake one year. It was a carousel cake, with animal crackers as the seats and a fancy roof on top made out of wrapping paper. Wrapping paper she did not remove when the birthday candles were lit. And which then got set on fire.
  3. That one year with 99 Blackberries where everyone threw up, someone got their ear pierced in my bathroom and more than one inanimate object had to endure rambling intoxicated conversations.
  4. I lost my tooth in a ball pit at Michelle Trachtenberg's party one year, true story. Lost in the sense of it fell out and also lost as in I never found it.
  5. My sweet 16 when we took Polaroids with a cut out of David Boreanaz and my friends got in trouble for riding in the church's dumb waiter.
  6. For my sister's birthday one year my dad dressed up like a clown and traumatized a little girl.
  7. Make your own pizza, sculpting with clay, watching Now and Then or The Craft, rinse and repeat for every sleepover.
  8. The party I did not have where I turned 21 and instead bought a six pack at the grocery store. My mom let me drink 1 beer while I watched Lost before asking me if I thought I'd had enough.
  9. When the first of my friends turned 21 and so we all pregamed excessively and went dancing in the city at a gay club and I bought multiple bottles of water at the bodega next door.
  10. When another one of my friends turned 21 and the guests included a guy who brought his own cheap beer in his backpack and smelled like a bowling alley, racists who openly discussed lynchings and also a lightbulb in a punch bowl.
  11. The birthdays she'd had before that of Coldstone, cookie dough as a cake, Wet Hot American Summer, that stupid battle of the bands, and the llama farm.
  12. Seeing Feivel Goes West for my friend's birthday and having to fit in one car on the trip home for cake. There were like 7 of us in the backseat. I sat crumpled in one of the wells scared the whole time I was going to die from not wearing my seatbelt and my mother would never forgive me.
  13. Speaking of, when I saw There's Something About Mary for Michelle W's birthday and knew I was going to suffer once word got back to my parents.
  14. Also still remember seeing Aladdin in theaters for Sonia's birthday. Like weirdly specifically.