Reasons for ME to Say My Catchphrase, "Not Today, Satan!"

i say this a lot
  1. Almost leaving the house without my keys
    not today satan
  2. Realizing I'm about to text something weird/sexual/generally inappropriate to the wrong person
    not today satan !
  3. Almost slipping in the shower and/or cracking my head open on the bathtub
    you almost got me there, satan. but not today.
  4. About to start a workout without stretching my very sore hip flexors first.
    good try, satan. BUT NOT TODAY.
  5. Almost running a red light
    I know you want me to join you in the underworld, satan, but not today!!!!!!
  6. realizing before I do it that if I eat an entire wedge of brie by myself I'll get the shits
    NOT TODAY, SATAN