PANIC ATTACK DAY
~~~day in the life with an anxiety disorder~~~
- •I get to work and feel very anxious about nothing.
- •It's my penultimate day at this job, and I should be breezing through, but instead I'm paralyzed and fidgety.
- •I feel sad and angry and overwhelmed. And not for any real reason.
- •I can't find my iPad and I'm having trouble thinking of anything else.
- •I realize this is more than just bad anxiety; I'm in panic attack danger zone.
- •I can feel it coming, so I text my boyfriend frantically.
- •He loves me a lot, but he's not always sure what to do.
- •I come home during lunch and the hug he gives me doesn't feel honest (???) so I burst into tears.
- •I take a Xanax and cry because when I break it in half some of the powder falls on the floor and I'm worried the dog will eat it and die.
- •He has to go. I'm sobbing on our bed.
- •I realize thirty minutes have passed and I didn't know.
- •The Xanax I took starts to kick in. I feel warm and tingly in my calves.
- •I'm hungry and drained.
- •I'm glad I avoided the full on panic attack.
- •I feel weak and stupid for being so... I don't know. Not in control.
- •I know intellectually that's not true, but it really feels that way.
- •Writing this list. Feeling raw. Getting up to force myself to eat so I don't get sick from the Xanax and throw up.
- •Trying to list my things I'm grateful for and take deep breaths.