SEMI-JEWISH FEELINGS 📂

My dad's family is Jewish by doesn't claim it. @aprilkquioh #draftmas2k15
  1. When my great grandmother died, she wanted to be buried in a Jewish graveyard.
  2. Unfortunately for her, she had "converted" to Catholicism in the 50s so she could join a country club.
  3. Rabbi said no.
  4. She asked the Catholic Church if she could be buried in their fancy graveyard in New York.
  5. Priest said no.
  6. She said, what if I donate a shit ton of money?
  7. They said ok.
  8. Religion was kind of an accessory to that part of my family, which is icky in a way that just not being a believer isn't.
  9. My moms family is many generations United Methodist, back to my relatives working with John Wesley to found various parts of the Protestant church.
  10. Someone in every generation of my moms family is a pastor. I was baptized by my great uncle.
  11. My father's great grandfather was very Jewish.
  12. His name was literally "Moses."
  13. My dad didn't care about religion, and kind of scoffed at it.
  14. My mom did care, so we went to church with her, but United Methodists in California are really mostly about food and singing so it wasn't super doctrinal.
  15. I like church and hymns. Haven't been in a long time, but it's comfortable for me.
  16. I went to a middle and high school with almost 50% Jewish people.
    I was confused when I got to college and not that many people had been to a bar mitzvah.
  17. Something about bar and bat mitzvahs, the traditions and culture of my Jewish friends, felt very familiar.
  18. Or, very new, in an exciting way.
  19. I found myself wishing that my dad's family had held on to their religion and I had learned some more about it.
  20. Then I felt guilty because I also liked church, and was it inappropriate to sort of want to be Jewish???
  21. Didn't my mom's family need to be Jewish for it to be technically considered a part of my heritage or something?
  22. Definitely didn't want to convert.
  23. Just wanted to explore it a little without huge stakes.
  24. Didn't know how.
  25. Stayed going to church with my mom's family, but now that I'm an adult I don't really go anymore.
  26. Sometimes I feel like I wish I were Jewish? Then I feel like that's a weird thing to wish, and also I feel guilty towards my mom's family.
  27. Basically -- any ideas for things that wouldn't be weird for me to do to explore these weird feelings?