THINGS I DO IN AN ATTEMPT TO SEEM COOL
- •Subscribe to The New Yorker, Wired and Vanity Fair
- •Stare blankly at pages of The New Yorker while listening to one direction on metro** I do actually read these magazines in private, but then what's the point?
- •Randomly abbreviate words and add symbols in texts so ppl know I'm not bound by ~conventional rules of syntax and grmmr~
- •Balance emoji use so it's obvious I'm proficient but not 11
- •Claim everything I do is ironic and feign insouciance
- •Like Wild Strawberries on FacebookFormula for curated Facebook profile: add up all your second cousins, divide by your dad's siblings (remember to subtract the stingy one), plus the number of fish you had as a child, minus 2 = number of books/movies/tv shows you should casually like on Facebook. A sampling of your interest but also, who uses Facebook anymore?
- •Mention Wild Strawberries in this list