THINGS I DO IN AN ATTEMPT TO SEEM COOL

😎
  1. Subscribe to The New Yorker, Wired and Vanity Fair
  2. Stare blankly at pages of The New Yorker while listening to one direction on metro
    ** I do actually read these magazines in private, but then what's the point?
  3. Randomly abbreviate words and add symbols in texts so ppl know I'm not bound by ~conventional rules of syntax and grmmr~
  4. Balance emoji use so it's obvious I'm proficient but not 11
  5. Claim everything I do is ironic and feign insouciance
  6. Like Wild Strawberries on Facebook
    Formula for curated Facebook profile: add up all your second cousins, divide by your dad's siblings (remember to subtract the stingy one), plus the number of fish you had as a child, minus 2 = number of books/movies/tv shows you should casually like on Facebook. A sampling of your interest but also, who uses Facebook anymore?
  7. Mention Wild Strawberries in this list