Some of my most pressing questions about the Olympic Games

  1. Is anyone else concerned about the triathletes doing a bike race in a wet bathing suit?
    Holy diaper rash. There's no way that's ok...
  2. In water polo, they're standing some of the time, right?
  3. NBC did a story on a penguin called din din, the fastest swimmer in rio, and called attention to the elephant in the room: Even the best human swimmers are shitty at swimming compared to penguins. Are human swimmers aware of this evolutionary embarrassment? What can we do to defeat din din in 2020?
  4. Google might know this one: Does the word "dominant" dramatically increase in popularity every four years and then go back to never being used?
  5. Do female gymnasts wear some kind of cup? Or is that what muscular vjays look like?
    Asking for a friend...
  6. Why do divers shower after each dive?
  7. Regarding the long jump: approximately how much sand does a jumper find in and around his or her butt hole later on?
    And part B: Do professional long jumpers perpetually have sand in their underpants and if so, how does that impact the their lives?
  8. Finally my most pressing question about every single sport and athlete is always What?!?? How?!?!?