1. Take off Fridays because Tuesdays are still Tuesdays, no matter what, but your Wednesday magically becomes Thursday.
  2. Be in love; it will be Friday, according to Robert Smith, and you can take off.
  3. Dead car battery - you can't go, the day doesn't happen.
  4. Think Frankie Goes to Hollywood and Relax and Don't Do It.
  5. Think Nike but Don't Do It instead of Just Doing It.
  6. Don't Go To It.
  7. Even if you wanna come....
  8. Don't get Frankie Goes to Hollywood stuck in your head.
  9. Remember the Alamo. It has nothing to do with Wednesdays, but remember it all the same.
  10. Act your faith and do your Christian bidding which also has nothing to do with Wednesdays but Hey Zeus Chris Stus, act your damnable faith and take in refugees fleeing the same fucking horror you purport to be fighting. You'll sleep better.
  11. Take care of others. Everyone in your life matters and you probably could use more peeps in your life, yo.
  12. Contemplate the value of listicles when you are on List App and have like 2 followers but have a dead car battery and are waiting for the service guy and Wednesdays all of a sudden kinda suck moose fucking juice.
  13. Sleep rinse repeat.